i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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