After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
