if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
