wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
