its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
