I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
