So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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