I showed him my bush... on skype.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
