You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Randomize
