I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
