I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
