Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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