i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You did what with his pubic hair?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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