you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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