i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
