I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
