Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
