Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
