I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
