The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
