When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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