I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
