dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
