Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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