how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
