A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
