shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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