dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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