So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
