i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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