How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
