my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
