Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
