My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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