have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
