this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
you win again, gameday.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
