This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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