If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
