similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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