hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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