but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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