If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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