Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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