well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
