Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
bring money and cleavage
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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