Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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