please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
