i think my tv is drunk
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You're like the curious george of whores
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
