giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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