What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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